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Post by Steph on Jan 6, 2006 13:00:36 GMT -4
(at the bottom of page 21)
"Cow Sighted in East Trasa" by Ricky "Scoop" Dorsten
A cow was seen wandering the streets of East Trasa today, accompanied by a mysterious woman, dressed totally in black.
The woman was overheard speaking to the cow as they went door-to-door, apparently seeking the cow's owner.
Speculation that the cow belongs to the Clampett Estate were proved to be unfounded when the cow wandered into Balandur's Basics in Central Trasa where it disappeared.
(below the "cow" story)
"Elite Robbed" by Ricky "Scoop" Dorsten
The wealthiest of Trasa's citizen's were the victims of violent break-ins today. Several canars were slaughtered mercilessly as the hooligans ransacked several homes, leaving only destruction and death in their wake.
There were no injuries.
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Post by Hazmatt on Jan 6, 2006 13:26:30 GMT -4
Dear Editor,
As a member of the Society for Prevention of Animal Massacres (S.P.A.M.), I am highly offended by your statement of "There were no injuries", right after you report the massacre of several innocent canars. You are clearly showing favoritism towards sentients. Animals have rights too, and it's not fair to simply dismiss them as broken property.
Respectfully, Eileena Korleb, Kora City
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Post by Steph on Jan 6, 2006 15:24:12 GMT -4
Dear Ms/Miss/Mrs/Senora/Senorita/Fraulein/Frau/Mistress/Whatever Korleb,
After severely chastising Scoop (a bullwhip and bamboo shoots were used), we, the editors and staff of the Trasa Citizen, were able to piece together the entire story.
It seems that Scoop was hasty when he reported that there were no injuries. He should have reported no FURTHER injuries. When questioned (the Charta phone book applied vigorously and repeatedly to the back of the head works wonders to jar memories), he replied,"Huh?! Wha? Oh, yeah. How can they be in pain or injured when they're dead?"
His next sound was a muffled thump.
We, the editors and staff of the Trasa Citizen, share your concern over the plight of innocent canars and other verm...creatures of the forest and surrounding areas.
A bounty...er...donation as been submitted to the Hunter's Guild with your name on it.
Once again, we apologize for the misunderstanding,
Ed, the editor
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Post by Karel on Jan 6, 2006 16:02:39 GMT -4
To: The Newspaper People From: Serisha
So, did anyone find out what happened to the cow?
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Post by Steph on Jan 6, 2006 21:36:37 GMT -4
"Cow Believed Safe" By Zelda Jones-Bergerdoninski
In a follow-up request by the editors and staff of the Trasa Citizen, due to a letter, believed to be sent by an alert reader, this intrepid reporter contacted a highly-placed source at the Trasa Bureau of Investigation.
It was revealed that the cow, believed to be named "Bossie," is now believed to have been safely returned to her home on a small farm, believed to be just outside of Trasa.
No injuries or deaths were believed to have occurred.
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Post by Steph on Jan 24, 2006 13:23:17 GMT -4
Mad Horde in Trasa? by Zelda Jones-Bergerdoninski
A disturbance yesterday, near Chela's Cryo-port, resulted in the destruction of over 20 armed guardbots and over 100 sentients. The first to fall was a newcomer dressed in dark-colored battle gear. As this valiant member of society bravely stood his ground, the massive throng of attackers rolled over him, turning his remains into so much chunky salsa.
The group, believed to be the Mad Horde of Alta fame, next turned their attentions to the hapless guardbots, who fought valiantly and were cut down before their warranties expired. The sheer mindlessness of the horror and terror wrought by these dangerous outlaws leads one to speculate on their true motives.
An eyewitness described the leading individuals as "hideously deformed creatures" who could seemingly change shape at will. "One changed into a hideous were-canar and tore one guy limb from limb. Then they all drank his blood! It was gross!"
As the group left town, they destroyed the guardbots at the north gate almost as an afterthought.
The woman who is believed to be the leader is described as having reddish-brown dreadlocks and possessing unnatural strength. A mysterious black-robed figure was by her side, along with a small dark-skinned woman, a man dressed only in a blue jumpsuit, and a tall man in black and white armor.
If you have any information about this bloody, costly, terrifying attack, please contact the local Sheriff's Department.
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Post by Steph on Feb 15, 2006 19:41:32 GMT -4
Aliens Attempt Peaceful Negotiations by Ricky "Scoop" Dorsten
Aliens once again peacefully entered Trasa today, seeking only to negotiate a cease-fire with the mayor.
A CBI recruitment ceremony was under way at the time with several agents on hand to witness the proceedings.
As the aliens made their way into the Trasa Administration building and attempted to speak with the Mayor, they were set upon by the agents and recruits. The CBI agents moved the Mayor to an undisclosed location before returning to, once again, mercilessly slaughter the aliens.
For their “heroism,” the agents, Isioviel Sellyan, Searos Carriams, Conrad Bravura, Alkaiser, Jourgen Gallyn, were all awarded the “Blue Shield of Dignity.” The newest recruit, a chetal named, of all things, Atomic, received her CBI badge along with the “Blue Shield of Dignity.” A chetal? Getting a badge AND an award? What is this world coming to?
Queen Wynnifred of Alta and the Mayor of Trasa ordered a fireworks display in the agents’ “honor.” For killing helpless aliens. Where’s the honor in that?
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Post by Steph on Feb 22, 2006 1:20:19 GMT -4
Our Heroes? By Ricky “Scoop” Dorsten
The fifth recruitment session of the Charta Bureau of Investigation got underway today with several agents and two new recruits. While out for a physical training session, these men and women used light swords and “staves of death.”
Ruthlessly slaughtering several families out for a picnic beside the Trasa/Koramil road, these low-lives then ran away screaming and cheering each other on. It seems that whenever the CBI is involved in recruitment and training, death is sure to follow. The same murderous behavior took place later on the Trasa/Grunthar road.
They claim that it’s all for the good of the land, but, just hacking and slashing their way through, without negotiations, only serves to turn them into Governmental (emphasis on the “mental” part) thugs who are able to hide behind their badges without fear of reprisal.
They call themselves “heroes,” but they’re nothing more than paid assassins. And the taxpayers are footing the bill...
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Post by Steph on Mar 8, 2006 16:08:19 GMT -4
Charta’s Newest Hero? By Ricky “Scoop” Dorsten
The mists fall heavily on the Trasa boardwalk as a lone attractive female wends her way homeward after a busy day at the Seaside Café. As she rounds the end of the block for the final few steps home, she is accosted by an armed assailant. He places a hand over mouth to muffle her shrieks and drags her backward into the darkness of the alley.
Before he can commit any further atrocities, he is decapitated by two red-lit daggers. The woman can make out a small Blue-and-Red suited figure standing in the pool of spreading blood, the daggers held downward. The figure looks at the woman, draws an “M.R.” in the blood, then whirls, and disappears down the alley; bloody footprints the only evidence of its presence.
Who is this masked figure? It would seem that the law is being taken into other hands. The numerous “raids” by the CBI, and the guardbots of various cities seem incapable of dispensing justice.
After the raid last week on the Alta Swordsman’s Guild, I caught up with CBI Assistant Director Skalter Winner and asked him a few questions. In this exclusive interview, you will read the actual words spoken by one of the most powerful men on Charta.
Scoop: Where did all the drugs go after the bust? Winner: We have a holding facility for that particular evidence. Once it is brought to trial, it will be placed in a disintegrator tank and permanently destroyed.
Scoop: What will happen to the perpetrators? Winner: If they are convicted in a court of law, the judge will decide their punishment. Excuse me.
Scoop: Will they be put to death? Winner: Not for me to decide. Goodbye.
There you have it. Conclusive proof that the CBI is truly ineffectual. He admitted that the drugs still exist! The criminals were caught red-handed and they STILL have to wait for a trial! When asked about the death penalty, he as much as ADMITTED that he wanted them dead!
What is this world coming to?
Thank the maker we have people like the Blue-and-Red figure. We have decided to call the figure The Masked Revenger after the letters scrawled in the hood's blood.
Masked Revenger, wherever you are, thank you.
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Post by Steph on Mar 10, 2006 9:28:52 GMT -4
The following letter was addressed to the editorial department. It was scrawled in achildlike hand (an obvious attept to disguise the handwriting) using blue crayon and bordered with red crayon, Ed the Editor:
Deer Mr Editer, sir,
The CBI is not inactual like you say it is. I'm just helping them out with ther alreddy overwerked cases. I fight for truth and injustice where ever it may be. I punish the week and protect the strong.
My Rifle of Doom and Daggers of Deth, will seek out danjerus people and hurt them real bad.
Beware, evel-doers of Charta! For I am behind you and in front of you and over you and around you and beside you! I am the wings in the light night and I will punish you if the CBI can't.
Thank you, have a nice day,
Steve Maxed Revenger
P.S. Tell Scupe that he's welcome.
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Post by Steph on Mar 29, 2006 21:31:01 GMT -4
Guilty Murdered! by Ricky "Scoop" Dorsten
The CBI was at again today as they entered their so-called "Training Fields."
In yesterday's blockade of the Trasa/Grunthar road, the Inner Eye was quickly captured by armed citizens just doing their civic duty and protecting themselves.
The thugs were taken directly to the Grunthar execution pits and thrown in. When the execution lizards had eaten their fill, the thugs were manacled together and marched over rough terrain to the CBI's holding facility to await trial.
Justice was swift as Trasa Judge Hobbingood sentenced them all to death.
A deal was reached with the CBI, wherein the bandits could go free if they survived the CBI Training Course. If you were led to believe that all you had to do to gain your freedom was run a simple obstacle course, you'd jump at the chance. And they did.
When they reached the obstacle course, however, they were given ineffectual weapons and told to "take positions." CBI Agents, and recruits alike, then swarmed through the obstacle course and proceeded to dismember the hapless muggers and thieves.
Using prisoners for training should be against the law which the CBI claims to uphold.
New agents are: Nurse Jenny (The Angel of Death), and Zero 4.0 (Zero the zero, more like). A juvenile half-dragon named Draco Munei was accepted but declined to accept the badge of office. Last, and certainly not least, was Jaxx. Jaxx has the distiction of being the ONLY recruit to be rejected by the CBI. Maybe he's better off that way.
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Post by Steph on Apr 6, 2006 4:23:14 GMT -4
Agents at War by Ricky “Scoop” Dorsten
This reporter was recently witness to one of the most horrifying displays of a CBI agent ever seen on Charta. I was doing some research on a water-main break near the Trasa telepad, when I spied two agents of the CBI chatting amiably.
Jourgen Gallyn, Head Trainer for the CBI’s Hit Team, and Diana Skelly, Chief of Death in Trasa were conversing, when Gory Gallyn placed a small object in Dirty Diana’s hand. She shook her head and threw the object far into the distance, where it rolled into the Trasa sewers. Gallyn promptly balled up his ham-sized fist and, with one punch, knocked Diana out cold. As he stood over her unconscious form, attempting to tear her clothing from her lithe form, presumably to commit a dastardly act upon her person, she regained consciousness and promptly kicked squarely in the marbles.
Not to be outdone, Jabbering Jourgen pulled his rifle and threatened to blow off Diana’s head if she did not capitulate. Shaking her head again, she attempted to flee the scene, only to be tackled by Gallyn who thrust her head into a nearby puddle, obviously attempting to drown her. With every last effort of willpower she had, Dainty Diana managed to fend him off at last and ran screaming in the direction of CBI HQ.
The madman then proceeded to smash the telepad console and threatened me with physical harm if I did not leave the area at once! After witnessing what I had just seen, the sheer power of the behemoth, I did the only thing I could do. I ran away.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I may be ONLY a reporter without the training to defend myself, but at least *I* know not to pick on innocent women.
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Post by Steph on Apr 9, 2006 20:49:50 GMT -4
Explosion in West Trasa by Ricky “Scoop” Dorsten
A large explosion demolished a home in West Trasa’s northeast corner this afternoon, forcing the evacuation of the BotCo plant and several nearby homes.
As this reporter arrived, I noticed several people several people milling about watching the scene being picked over by the crackerjack agents of the Charta Bureau of Investigation. Present were Chiefs of Station Tao Yoshira (Valos) and Diana Skelly (Trasa). When I moved for a better look at the devastation, I noticed a familiar Ant Jordan sneaker. It was mine. All I could do at the time was mourn the passing of my pet goldfish, Snark, who had been quietly swimming in the bathtub when I left home this morning. My home and belongings had been destroyed.
Further investigation, revealed a large “Happy Face” signature painted on the ground in front of the ruins. Anyone who was watching the “West Enders” vid-show last week will recognize this symbol as belonging to that notorious vigilante group, the “People’s Freedom Army.”
They say they fight for Freedom from tyranny. They say the want to help the people of this continent. I say, “Monkey muffins!” Why would they target my house? What have I done to offend them? I went back through the articles that I’ve written and could find no mention of the PFA, much less any negative remarks.
As of this writing, I have 25 credits in my pocket, and will be sleeping at the office for a while. The CBI has generously offered a reward of 25 thousand credits for the arrest and conviction of the person or persons responsible for this act.
I would also like to take this opportunity to publicly apologize to the CBI for the things I have written about them in the past. I have let my feelings and beliefs cloud my judgment about this organization, and have been accusing the wrong people of corruption. I offer my sincerest apologies to all of the CBI agents who have been offended by my rantings. None of the agents have shown the slightest animosity toward me, indeed going out of their way to be forthright and professional toward me.
To the CBI, I say, “I support you in all aspects of your investigations and will offer every resource in my power to aid you in any way possible.”
To the PFA, I say, “Nertz to you.”
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Post by Soon to be really old on Apr 10, 2006 13:55:05 GMT -4
Dear Mr Editor fella.
I was horrified to hear about the violence aimed at Mr Dorsten, and his poor goldfish Snark, By the Terrorists in the PFA. There for I propose that a charity is set up to help people who have suffered at the hands on the PFA and their campagin of terror. To that end I will make a donation of 1,000 credits to the Snark Charity (Only fitting to name it after one of the PFA's many Victims). I just wish it could be more, but us at the CBI are faily low paid.
Further more I would like to make a donation of 1,000 credits to Mr Dorsten himself, to find and home a new fish.
Many thanks
Signed Jourgen Gallyn.
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Post by Steph on Apr 10, 2006 17:42:29 GMT -4
Dear Mr. Gallyn, That is very commendable. We, the editors and staff of the Trasa Citizen would like to personally thank the fine agents of the CBI for responding so quickly in coming to the aid of one of our reporters.
We would also like to thank the many people who have donated clothing, food, and another goldfish which Scoop promptly dubbed Snarkina.
If you would like to make a donation to help Scoop, please visit our offices and tell the receptionist that you would like to donate to the Snark Charity. Cash is preferred.
A memorial service will take place for Snark by the river fishing area on Tuesday, April 11 at 8pm (EST). The Honorable Fahr N. Brimstone will conduct the ceremony.
Ed, The Editor
//The ceremony will be brief and will take place an hour before the usual CBI recruitment session.
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